The Meaningful Life with Andrew G. Marshall

We all know that good boundaries are pretty much essential if we want happy relationships. There is a lot of confusion, though, about what exactly a boundary is and how to make it work. Can we have too many boundaries? Should we ever compromise on the boundaries we set?

This week Andrew talks about boundaries with Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton, psychotherapists and co-founders of the London Centre of Applied Psychology. Matt and Graham share their own experiences of creating good boundaries in both love and parenting, and what it means if we are struggling to get this right.

Our ability to set boundaries is linked closely to our attachment style: those with an anxious attachment may allow their boundaries to crumble too easily; while those with an avoidant attachment can have so many rigid boundaries that they struggle to let anyone in.

Andrew also shares a prayer for good boundaries, which he often uses with marital therapy clients:

'I am me and

You are you.

It's a miracle that we've found each other

But I'm responsible for my stuff

And you're responsible for yours'

 

Graham Johnston is a psychotherapist and educator. He is Director of Policy at The Bowlby Centre, the UK’s leading training institution in attachment-based psychotherapy, and has also worked for the UK Government, specialising in home affairs. He and Matt Wotton are the Co-Founders and Directors of LCAP. 

Matt Wotton is a psychotherapist and executive coach, and also Chair of The Bowlby Centre and Director at LCAP. Matt has over two decades of experience in forensic mental health in the criminal justice system - in operations, coaching leaders, and advising ministers. He led the review of Race in the Criminal Justice System (The Lammy Review), commissioned by the Prime Minister, and has been a member of the Prison & Probation Board. 

 

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.

Learn more about the London Centre for Applied Psychology (LCAP), where Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton work as Directors.

Learn more about The Bowlby Centre,  the UK’s leading training institution in attachment-based psychotherapy.

Follow LCAP on Twitter and Facebook @LCAPsychology.

Read The Mindful Athlete by George Munford.

Read the poem “On Marriage” by Kahlil Gibran.

Read Andrew’s book on making meaningful change in your life, which also discusses attachment theory Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and be Stronger, Wiser and Happier.

Read Andrew’s blog Three Secrets of a Happy Relationship:

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall 

Is your home environment helping you to live the life you want, or does it get in the way? Clutter - the piles of stuff we don’t need and don’t use - can be a major block to our desire for clarity and meaning. 

If we dig deep into the reasons we hold onto possessions, we can learn some uncomfortable lessons. Are we struggling to leave behind past relationships, past selves? Do we need more help to cope with grief and loss? Or are we endlessly waiting for a special occasion, so we can bring out the “good china”, rather than celebrating the beauty in the everyday?

Tracy McCubbin’s story is full of warmth and inspiration: growing up with divorced parents, one of whom was a hoarder, she “turned her psychic wound into her business”. She built a hugely successful company to help her clients create home environments that support them in their lives. 

Tracy is also the Co-Executive Director of OneKid OneWorld, a non-profit helping schools stay open in Kenya and Central America. 

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50. 

Buy Tracy McCubbin’s book Making Space, Clutter Free: The Last Book on Decluttering You’ll Ever Need.

Visit Tracy McCubbin’s website: www.dclutterfly.com

Follow Tracy on Instagram, Facebook @dClutterfly and as Tracy McCubbin on Youtube

Take a look at the charity of which Tracy is Co-Executive Director, OneKid OneWorld. 

If you struggle to talk to your partner about issues like clutter, read Andrew’s blog Three Secrets of a Happy Relationship

Get Andrew’s advice on creating real change in your life and relationships in his book Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and Be Stronger, Wiser and Happier

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall 

Have you ever experienced a strange, inexplicable coincidence that left you feeling “like a grand, mysterious character in a story?” One that seemed to suggest a particular relationship was “meant to be”, or, on the flipside, that it was time to let go?

This week Andrew talks to Jungian analyst Robert Hopcke about synchronicity: the strange coincidences that make us feel like the universe is sending us a message, or trying to turn our lives around. 

These coincidences have the potential to help us find the meaning we’re seeking. Synchronistic events can offer a sense of underlying wholeness in our lives. They often happen in times of transition, and help us move to the place we need to be. They offer us the opportunity to recognise the symbolic quality of everyday life, and to be alive to the symbolism that everyday objects, events and people present.

Robert Hopcke is a Jungian analyst, author and a licensed marital therapist in private practice in Berkeley, California. He is the author of two books on Jung’s concept of synchronicity - There Are No Accidents and There Are No Accidents in Love and Relationships - and a number of other books about Jung. 

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.

Read Robert Hopcke’s book There Are No Accidents: Synchronicity and the Stories of Our Lives

Read Robert Hopcke’s book There Are No Accidents in Love and Relationships: Meaningful Coincidences and the Stories of Our Families

Take a look at Robert Hopcke’s website 

Get Andrew’s advice on creating real change in your life and relationships in his book Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and Be Stronger, Wiser and Happier

Read Andrew’s blog on journaling and find out how writing can help you bring more meaning into your life

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall 

For Andrew, it is the writings of Dr James Hollis, one of the world’s most eminent Jungian analysts, that have “sustained me through my dark times”. James Hollis' books also regularly help Andrew’s marital therapy clients to create change in their relationships and recover from infidelity. 

For the 50th episode of The Meaningful Life With Andrew G. Marshall, Andrew speaks to James Hollis about what it means to be resilient - how do we discover and develop the strength nature gives us to “walk through the forest” when we inevitably hit dark times? 

Bookshops and the internet are full of “five steps to happiness” style self-help manuals, telling us that if only we wake up earlier, change jobs, or eliminate caffeine, we will solve all our problems.

In fact, life is fractious and difficult, and requires us to persist. The best way to do this is not an external solution, but to find and trust the strength within ourselves. 

James Hollis is a Washington D.C. based Jungian psychoanalyst and the author of seventeen books. He was Executive Director of the Jung Educational Center in Houston, Texas for many years and Executive Director of the Jung Society of Washington (JSW) until 2019. He also worked as a Senior Training Analyst for the Inter-Regional Society of Jungian Analysts and as a Director of Training of the Philadelphia Jung Institute.

 

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50. 

Take a look at James Hollis’ website.

Read Andrew’s review of James Hollis’ book Swamplands of the Soul: New Life in Dismal Places.

Read Andrew’s review of James Hollis’ book Living an Examined Life: Wisdom for the Second Half of the Journey.

Read Andrew’s review of James Hollis’ book Living Between Worlds: Finding Personal Resilience in Changing Times.

Read Under Saturn’s Shadow: the Wounding and Healing of Men by James Hollis.

Listen to Lisa Marchiano of the This Jungian Life podcast speaking with Andrew about meaning and motherhood.

Get Andrew’s advice on creating real change in your life and relationships in his book Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and Be Stronger, Wiser and Happier.

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall 

According to Dr Warren Farrell, the world is facing a “boy crisis”. Suicide, ADHD and weak educational outcomes are among the problems boys and their parents face. Many bright boys are experiencing a “purpose void,” feeling alienated, withdrawn, and addicted to immediate gratification.

Andrew and Warren discuss why boys are struggling and what parents, teachers, and policymakers can do to help our sons become happier, healthier men and fathers and leaders worthy of our respect.

Dr Farrell is an author and academic specialising in men’s issues. He has been chosen by The Financial Times of London as one of the world’s top 100 thought leaders, and by the Center for World Spirituality as one of the world’s spiritual leaders. He is also the only man ever elected three times to the Board of the National Organization for Women in New York City. Dr Farrell has been interviewed by Oprah, Barbara Walters and Larry King, and has been featured in Forbes, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal.

This week’s episode takes a slightly different format: Andrew interviews Warren Farrell at the annual MANN SEIN conference in Berlin, an international gathering to talk about masculinity in today’s world. 

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.

Find out more about the MANN SEIN annual conference in Berlin/online.

Learn more about Warren Farrell on his website: https://warrenfarrell.com 

Read Warren Farrell’s book The Boy Crisis: https://warrenfarrell.com/product/the-boy-crisis/ 

You can follow Warren Farrell on Twitter, Facebook, Youtube and Instagram @drwarrenfarrell

Read Andrew’s book on how to be a great parent and have a happy marriage, Can We Start Again Please? Twenty Questions to Fall Back in Love: https://andrewgmarshall.com/book/can-we-start-again-please-twenty-questions-to-fall-back-in-love/ 

Watch Andrew’s video on the Ten Golden Rules of Happy Parenting: https://youtu.be/Ksk6PQSGhQs 

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall 

Are you jogging along, not really noticing how time is passing? Avoiding the big questions by spending hours on distractions that don’t really add much to your life? For most of us, if we knew death were around the corner, we would most likely use our time differently.

Oliver Russell was one of the first people in the UK to be infected with COVID-19. All of his major organs shut down and a police officer was ready to visit family with the news of his death. 

Oliver was already struggling to deal with the long, empty-seeming days of the new retiree, the needs of his aging mother, and an over-reliance on alcohol. COVID tore this troubled existence apart. After a long, frightening journey to the edge of death, he was pushed to make major life changes. Oliver stopped using alcohol, transformed his social circles so that they were positive and rejuvenating, and found a new appreciation of the small pleasures of life.

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50. 

Read Andrew’s advice on dealing with painful feelings

Read Andrew’s thoughts on creating real change in your life and relationships in his book Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and Be Stronger, Wiser and Happier

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall 

Have you been told “just be yourself”, only to feel confused about what exactly that means? This week Andrew discusses with Dr Linda Berman seven important starting points for finding your authentic self. 

Linda Berman is a writer, artist and retired psychotherapist. Before her retirement she worked privately, including in a psychiatric hospital, and for the NHS. Linda was also a counsellor and supervisor with Relate for many years.

Linda has written a book, Beyond the Smile, exploring the importance of photographs in people’s lives and in psychotherapy. She has degrees in literature, psychotherapy, and fine art, and also a PhD, for which she researched the effects on survivors of telling the Holocaust story. Linda writes a weekly blog about mental health, psychotherapy, life and relationships.

 

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.

Read Linda Berman’s blog waysofthinking.co.uk - it covers mental health, psychotherapy, life and relationships.

Take a look at Linda’s book Beyond the Smile: the Therapeutic Use of the Photograph

Follow Linda on Twitter @LindaBerman4

Read Andrew’s advice on keeping a journal of your life and emotions at https://andrewgmarshall.com/top-twelve-benefits-of-journaling/ 

Get Andrew’s advice on creating real change in your life and relationships in his book Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and Be Stronger, Wiser and Happier: https://andrewgmarshall.com/book/wake-up-and-change-your-life-how-to-survive-a-crisis-and-be-stronger-wiser-and-happier/ 

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall 

Half of all women have experienced pain during sex. Yet the subject remains taboo, and help and understanding from the medical profession can be very hard to find. 

In this week’s episode Fran Bushe, author of My Broken Vagina, shares her funny, moving quest to fix her sex life (and yours). During her journey toward understanding vaginismus, Fran was advised by doctors to have a glass of wine to loosen up, male friends suggested she just hadn’t tried the right penis yet, and she even visited a Sex Camp. 

Andrew and Fran discuss how understanding the vagina better can enhance sex lives for women and men. They also talk about how to overcome pain during sex, move past the idea of penetration as “real sex”, and find a deeper level of pleasure for both of you. 

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.

Read Fran Bushe’s book My Broken Vagina: One Woman’s Quest to Fix her Sex Life, and Yours

Get tickets for Fran’s one woman show Ad Libido at the Soho Theatre in August/September 2021.

Follow Fran on Twitter and Instagram @franbushe

Find out more about vaginismus from The Vaginismus Network

Read Andrew’s blog Three Secrets of a Happy Relationship

Read Andrew’s book Have the Sex You Want: a Couple’s Guide to Getting the Spark Back

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall 

Diet culture is everywhere: it’s impossible to avoid exposure to “clean eating”, fat phobia and the thin ideal. Yet as Kate Daigle tells Andrew this week, it’s not possible to live a meaningful life whilst being fully immersed in diet culture. These are limiting beliefs that shrink people’s worlds.

In this episode Kate Daigle, a specialist in supporting people to recover from eating disorders, talks with Andrew about people’s increasingly unhealthy relationship with food.

Kate also shares her personal journey of recovery from eating disorders, and explores what it means to have an eating disorder. An eating disorder can be a constant, “reliable” companion, offering relief and a high similar to other addictions. Eating disorders are also likely to point to an underlying attachment wound. 

Kate Daigle is a Certified Eating Disorder Specialist (CEDS) and a Licensed Professional Counselor. She is also a speaker and published author supporting people in recovery from eating disorders and body image issues from a Health at Every Size (HAES) perspective.  

Kate is based in Denver, Colorado and has been in private practice since 2010. In addition to her professional work, Kate volunteers in her local community to raise awareness about the prevalence and treatment of eating disorders and works to reduce the shame and stigma that are often associated with these disorders.

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50

Read Kate Daigle’s book The Clinical Guide to Fertility, Motherhood and Eating Disorders: From Shame to Self Acceptance

Visit Kate’s website and read her blog 

Follow Kate on Facebook @KateDaigleCounseling and Instagram @katedaiglecounseling

Read Andrew’s blog “How to Heal from Trauma: Six Key Ways to Deal With Trauma”

Read Andrew’s book on making meaningful change in your life Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and be Stronger, Wiser and Happier

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall 

We spend a lot of time feeling very serious about seeking meaning in our lives; but is it possible that the secret lies in making the search more fun? Can we say a creative, mutually affirming “yes” more often? And when do we need a self-protective “no”?

This week Andrew and improv comedy star Pippa Evans have lots of fun together as they compare the strategies of improvisational comedy with those of therapy. Perhaps the most interesting lesson from improv: “be in the moment that is, not the one you thought would come along”. 

Pippa Evans is a comedian and writer known for her skills in improvisational comedy. She was a core member of the improv team behind the award-winning stage show Showstopper: The Improvised Musical which toured the UK and abroad, and has regularly appeared on BBC radio. 

Pippa likes to “use jokes to find connection”, and teaches courses on improvisation and the ways it can help improve our relationships with ourselves and with others. She has recently written a book called Improv Your Life: An Improviser’s Guide To Working With Whatever Life Throws At You.

Among her many other accomplishments, Pippa is also the co-founder of the Sunday Assembly, a church for non-believers. 

Follow Up

Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.

Read Pippa Evans’ new book Improv Your Life: An Improviser’s Guide to Working With Whatever Life Throws At You

Take a look at Pippa’s website 

Find out more about the Sunday Assembly, a church for non-believers co-founded by Pippa and fellow comedian Sanderson Jones.

Follow Pippa on Twitter and Instagram @IAmPippaEvans

Get Andrew’s book on rejuvenating your relationship when you feel you’ve lost the spark: Can We Start Again Please? Twenty Questions to Fall Back in Love 

Read Andrew’s advice on building a happy relationship with your partner: Three Secrets of a Happy Relationship https://andrewgmarshall.com/three-secrets-of-a-happy-relationship/ 

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall