Hello, I am a marital therapist, communications trainer and author. I have thirty-five years helping couples and individuals make better relationships. I have written twenty-plus self-help books which include the international best-sellers ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ and ‘How can I ever trust you again?’ My books have been translated into twenty languages. I trained with RELATE the UK’s largest counselling charity. Perhaps it has been turning sixty but I have become interested in spiritual as well as psychological questions. Who am I? What are my values – as opposed to my parents, my teachers and the wider society? What makes my life meaningful? What do I believe about life, the universe and everything? Although my clients might come to me because of destructive arguments, falling out of love and infidelity, they are also interested in having more meaningful relationships and a more meaningful life. So what is the meaningful life? Why do we so easily lose our way and get lost in depression, anxiety, doubt, addictions and obsessions: the swamplands of the soul? One thing I know for sure is that there is not one answer. Each of us has to find out for ourselves what makes our life meaningful. But we can learn from each other, share our experiences of how to navigate the journey, how to endure and learn from the swamp, and finally how to find solid ground. I have decided to use my original training in radio and journalism to interview witnesses for what makes life meaningful. Each week, I invite someone who is a therapist, academic, self-help coach or who has an enlightening personal story to share their knowledge or experiences. I hope our discussions will help you discover what makes your life meaningful and find more purpose and contentment.
Monday Oct 11, 2021
Monday Oct 11, 2021
We all know that good boundaries are pretty much essential if we want happy relationships. There is a lot of confusion, though, about what exactly a boundary is and how to make it work. Can we have too many boundaries? Should we ever compromise on the boundaries we set?
This week Andrew talks about boundaries with Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton, psychotherapists and co-founders of the London Centre of Applied Psychology. Matt and Graham share their own experiences of creating good boundaries in both love and parenting, and what it means if we are struggling to get this right.
Our ability to set boundaries is linked closely to our attachment style: those with an anxious attachment may allow their boundaries to crumble too easily; while those with an avoidant attachment can have so many rigid boundaries that they struggle to let anyone in.
Andrew also shares a prayer for good boundaries, which he often uses with marital therapy clients:
'I am me and
You are you.
It's a miracle that we've found each other
But I'm responsible for my stuff
And you're responsible for yours'
Graham Johnston is a psychotherapist and educator. He is Director of Policy at The Bowlby Centre, the UK’s leading training institution in attachment-based psychotherapy, and has also worked for the UK Government, specialising in home affairs. He and Matt Wotton are the Co-Founders and Directors of LCAP.
Matt Wotton is a psychotherapist and executive coach, and also Chair of The Bowlby Centre and Director at LCAP. Matt has over two decades of experience in forensic mental health in the criminal justice system - in operations, coaching leaders, and advising ministers. He led the review of Race in the Criminal Justice System (The Lammy Review), commissioned by the Prime Minister, and has been a member of the Prison & Probation Board.
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Learn more about the London Centre for Applied Psychology (LCAP), where Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton work as Directors.
Learn more about The Bowlby Centre, the UK’s leading training institution in attachment-based psychotherapy.
Read The Mindful Athlete by George Munford.
Read the poem “On Marriage” by Kahlil Gibran.
Read Andrew’s book on making meaningful change in your life, which also discusses attachment theory Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and be Stronger, Wiser and Happier.
Read Andrew’s blog Three Secrets of a Happy Relationship: