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Hello, I am a marital therapist, communications trainer and author. I have thirty-five years helping couples and individuals make better relationships. I have written twenty-plus self-help books which include the international best-sellers ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ and ‘How can I ever trust you again?’ My books have been translated into twenty languages. I trained with RELATE the UK’s largest counselling charity. Perhaps it has been turning sixty but I have become interested in spiritual as well as psychological questions. Who am I? What are my values – as opposed to my parents, my teachers and the wider society? What makes my life meaningful? What do I believe about life, the universe and everything? Although my clients might come to me because of destructive arguments, falling out of love and infidelity, they are also interested in having more meaningful relationships and a more meaningful life. So what is the meaningful life? Why do we so easily lose our way and get lost in depression, anxiety, doubt, addictions and obsessions: the swamplands of the soul? One thing I know for sure is that there is not one answer. Each of us has to find out for ourselves what makes our life meaningful. But we can learn from each other, share our experiences of how to navigate the journey, how to endure and learn from the swamp, and finally how to find solid ground. I have decided to use my original training in radio and journalism to interview witnesses for what makes life meaningful. Each week, I invite someone who is a therapist, academic, self-help coach or who has an enlightening personal story to share their knowledge or experiences. I hope our discussions will help you discover what makes your life meaningful and find more purpose and contentment.
Episodes
Monday Apr 18, 2022
Monday Apr 18, 2022
Everything is always changing, and nothing is ever the same. If we think about it, we all know that. But we tend to live differently, as though we can hang onto the same fixed self, the same ways of doing things, and the same people around us.
Alan Lessik, author and Zen practitioner, is an expert in change. He is known by his friends as someone who takes fearless leaps into new jobs, new countries and new possibilities. He has regularly made life-changes so huge they felt like jumping off a cliff.
In this episode, Andrew and Alan talk about how we deal with change, and the usefulness of the “backward step”. They discuss Alan’s practice of Zen meditation, and Alan shares the following quote from Eihei Dogen, founder of Zen Buddhism in Japan:
“You should stop searching for phrases and chasing after words. Take the backward step and turn the light inward. Your body-mind in itself will drop off and your original face will appear. If you want to attain just this (suchness), immediately practice just this (suchness).”
Alan Lessik is a writer and novelist, zen practitioner, amateur figure skater, and LGBT activist. He has worked in the US and over twenty-two other countries and has served in leadership positions in numerous non-governmental organizations, university and governmental entities. Alan’s debut novel, The Troubleseeker, was a finalist for the 2017 LGBTQ Fiction Award given by the Publishing Triangle. He recently moved from the US to Berlin, where he is working on two new novels.
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Join our Supporters Club to access exclusive behind-the-scenes content, fan requests and the chance to ask Andrew your own questions. Membership starts at just £4.50.
Find out more about Alan Lessik’s writing and work on his website
Watch Alan Lessik’s figure-skating videos on YouTube
Follow Alan Lessik on Twitter @AlanLessik
Get Andrew’s advice on creating real change in your life and relationships in his book Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and Be Stronger, Wiser and Happier
If you are interested in meditation and mindfulness, you might also like to listen to Andrew’s interview with Dr Henry Emmons on how to Bring More Calm and Joy Into Your Life
Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall
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