Hello, I am a marital therapist, communications trainer and author. I have thirty-five years helping couples and individuals make better relationships. I have written twenty-plus self-help books which include the international best-sellers ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ and ‘How can I ever trust you again?’ My books have been translated into twenty languages. I trained with RELATE the UK’s largest counselling charity. Perhaps it has been turning sixty but I have become interested in spiritual as well as psychological questions. Who am I? What are my values – as opposed to my parents, my teachers and the wider society? What makes my life meaningful? What do I believe about life, the universe and everything? Although my clients might come to me because of destructive arguments, falling out of love and infidelity, they are also interested in having more meaningful relationships and a more meaningful life. So what is the meaningful life? Why do we so easily lose our way and get lost in depression, anxiety, doubt, addictions and obsessions: the swamplands of the soul? One thing I know for sure is that there is not one answer. Each of us has to find out for ourselves what makes our life meaningful. But we can learn from each other, share our experiences of how to navigate the journey, how to endure and learn from the swamp, and finally how to find solid ground. I have decided to use my original training in radio and journalism to interview witnesses for what makes life meaningful. Each week, I invite someone who is a therapist, academic, self-help coach or who has an enlightening personal story to share their knowledge or experiences. I hope our discussions will help you discover what makes your life meaningful and find more purpose and contentment.
Monday Jan 17, 2022
Helen Tower & Lisa Arends: Infidelity: Lessons from My Recovery
Monday Jan 17, 2022
Monday Jan 17, 2022
My guests this week - Lisa Arends and Helen Tower - know just about everything there is to know about the painful subject of infidelity, because they have lived it through it themselves. Both have written extensively about their experiences.
Lisa’s is a story of the most extreme and dramatic betrayal: ten years ago her husband ended their 16-year marriage with a text message, after which she never saw him again. Lisa rebuilt her life and has a new partner.
Helen’s experience involved her partner’s lengthy affair with a co-worker. After initially separating from her husband, Helen came to the decision to try and rebuild the relationship. She and her husband recently celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary, and the journey toward recovery continues.
Both Helen and Lisa agree that recovering from infidelity is all about strengthening the self. The journey to a new life and a new relationship (whether that’s with the unfaithful partner or someone new) hinges on doing the work to achieve self-knowledge and personal strength.
This week’s episode is a fascinating three-way conversation featuring two totally different experiences of infidelity. It is essential listening if infidelity has been a part of your experience, but it also has much to offer if you’d like to feel stronger and more empowered in your relationship.
Lisa Arends is a data scientist, former middle school math teacher and accidental expert on divorce. She is passionate about empowering, motivating and inspiring people as they move through difficult transitions and life situations. Lisa blogs at Lessons from the End of a Marriage. She lives outside of Atlanta with her husband and two adorable pit bulls.
Helen Tower writes and blogs about infidelity (Helen Tower is the pen name she uses to protect her family). In 2018 Helen discovered her husband of twenty-two years was having an affair, and eight months later published her story as Sailing Through Infidelity: A Story of Love and Forgiveness.
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Read Lisa Arends’ blog Lessons from the End of a Marriage
Follow Lisa Arends on Facebook @LESSONSFROMTHEENDOFAMARRIAGE, on Twitter and Instagram @stilllearning2b and on YouTube.
Helen Tower blogs at Sailing Through Infidelity
Read Helen Tower’s books, including Sailing through Infidelity: A story of love and forgiveness.
Listen to Helen Tower's podcast Sail Through and Beyond Infidelity https://open.spotify.com/show/0191IgpffJkLcxebwTm5S5?si=DYMn9S--QPOi5LT2HxRZag&dl_branch=1&nd=1
Follow Helen on Facebook @HelenTowerAuthor, on Instagram @helentowerstaycalm and on Twitter @sailinginfidel1
Read Andrew’s books on infidelity recovery:
Why Did I Ever Cheat? Help Your Partner (and Yourself) Recover From Your Affair
How Can I Ever Trust You Again? Infidelity: From Discovery to Recovery in Seven Steps
I Can’t Get Over My Partner’s Affair: 50 Questions About Recovering from Extreme Betrayal and the Long-Term Impact of Infidelity
Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on: